Just keep swimming.
“Get a baby, just get a kid as young as you possibly can, they won’t remember all the crap that went on before” You may hear this (or variations of) from well meaning associates during your journey. But, how young is young enough? My son was just 21 months old when he came home, I would say thats pretty bloody young. So, if this theory is true. why, after watching this Walt Disney classic was he sat there with tears streaming down his face aged two and a half asking “why Mummy Daddy lost me?” *Thanks Pixar. (before we pass any judgement, its a G rating and he loves sharks)
He’d been silently battling, trying to piece together the missing pieces of his puzzle from a much earlier age than we’d ever anticipated. (Mind you, we are talking about some kind of toddler genius here. I’m convinced he’s doing Guardian crosswords up there of an eve then shouting “Mummy, dum dum” for shits and gigs.) I was hit with the startling realisation and understanding of why he was so fraught with anxiety when I said I was popping to the shop or just nipping out to the tumble dryer. He thought we were going to loose him. He’d come to the conclusion that the reason he had to go and live with “The other people” * Foster carers was because Mummy and Daddy had lost him. I write this to you with every single hair on the back of my neck on edge. He finishes Nursery in an hour, he’s come so far. My little Nemo.
*My advice, (if you want it) would be to think less about ‘the baby’ and more about the connection you may have found during family finding with a child of any age.