Something that’s always slightly fascinated me since bringing Nemo home is the sheer look of shock on peoples faces when they realise he’s exactly what it says on the tin . . . A child. The gasps of “but he’s so beautiful” ” but he’s so clever” and the good old fashioned “I just can’t believe he was up for adoption” never ceases to amaze me. What were you expecting an extra head? Third eye? A sodding tail??
What does an adopted child look like exactly? What ‘Type’ of child did you expect to be ‘up for adoption’ * I hate that phrase ‘ He’s not a bloody e-bay listing. Can we just STOP saying that please. Thank you. Whilst I’m on the topic; What does an abused child look like? SCENE; A beautiful summers day, Nemo’s on a very strict bug hunting schedule. ENTER; The Gossip Hunter. “He looks so happy! Nothing serious must have happened to him. He can’t have been abused or anything?” * I hope you all feel as sick as I did right now.
Someone crippled with anxiety, depression, infertile? What do they all look like? Is there some art gallery somewhere I’m unaware of? It’s 2020, I thought we didn’t do labels? Yet I’ve found as soon as some people discover he’s adopted they start looking for one. He’s just a child. Like any other, he loves dinosaurs, jumping in puddles and eating cereal out of the box. He’s. Just. A. Child. A bloody wonderful one at that.
- Top Tip; Start thinking of some spectacularly good come back answers to these questions now. There’s nothing more infuriating than pacing up and down your kitchen afterwards imagining all the brilliantly eloquent, passively aggressive things you should have said. You want to be able to suck it to them right there and then. If I had my time again I would have said something along the lines of; ” Seen as you’re open to such personal conversation starters, do tell me about your latest bowel movement. Did you wipe from front to back?”