We live in the #bekind era, we’ve all learnt from the devastating effects negative social media can have on people’s well -being haven’t we?

Unless of course, someone decides to post a picture of something we cant comprehend. Or makes us feel uncomfortable, then it suddenly falls into the realms of ‘inappropriate.’

Chrissy Teign and John legend bravely shared a picture of their beautiful son Jack this month after their tragic loss. Rightfully, they were met with a wealth of solidarity, support and respect in their decision to share. But there’s still a few that just aren’t quite getting it.

That’s a few too many by my book.

Allow me to explain; Pregnancy loss, miscarriage, still birth and early infant loss is tragic enough without feeling society’s pressures to silence your grief. On the 1st of October they shared their photographs, their story, they paid tribute to their son and gave a voice to thousands of other parents who’ve had to say goodbye too soon.

There’s nothing ‘inappropriate’ or ‘odd’ about that. In fact, I’d like to think if we looked up the definition of ‘hero’ from now on, their names would be listed.

I’ll talk to you about odd; On the evening of my miscarriage, I got in the car, drove to Morrisons and bought myself a massive tub of ‘pic n mix’. I turned the radio up so loud the door speaker blew .

I wanted to feel alive, I wanted to taste and hear life.

Odd. Really fucking odd. But that’s what I did in my moment of grief. That’s how I wanted to comfort myself, that’s what I chose to do. I can only hazard a guess at the type of comments I might have received if I’d shared a picture of me doing that.

It’s not even a human instinct. It’ s a grief instinct, do you remember that whale? J35 they called her, made her sound like an FBI agent.

17 days I think it was, 17 days and 1,000 miles of the pacific coast she’d pushed the body of her calf. National Geographic wrote; “she had likely bonded closely with her calf during her 17 month gestation period before it died.”

Was this her photograph?

Was this the way she chose to remember?

Her moment of grief.

“Tour of Grief” was the headline, J35 changed the world for a split second. Her heartbreaking show of mourning taught us all the power of grief. We were suddenly able to connect with a mammal, we could recognise this emotion.

Most of us could.

Not long after I read;

“She’s abandoned the calf and has been seen back frolicking with the pod.”

Be it to another human being or a mammal. we’re living in a very sad society if we feel it appropriate to pass judgement on instinctive decisions to aid pain. Notafictionalmum

In support of pregnancy and baby loss awareness week 9-6th October 2020

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