Playful pain

Playful pain

He watched his baby videos a good few days ago.

I’m tying his shoe laces;

“Mummy where is the teddy bear in my video”

Just like that.

Nemo’s thinking about his videos.
The bear.
I’m sure he’s thinking about a hell of a lot more.

I’m tying his laces trying to work out how we can both get out the front door in under the usual two hour time frame. *Looking for a PB here.

I explain how we have the special teddy upstairs.

“Would you like to see the teddy”

A very firm nod

I give him the teddy.

He lies on the floor.

He starts waving his legs and arms in the air (slight resemblance to that of an upturned woodlouse)

“Goo goo gah gah”

Ah ha, I’ve been trained for this! ‘regressive behaviour’
I jump right on in, grade A prep training student over here

“Oh look, a gorgeous little baby”

I stroke his face, tickle his tummy

He stops

Mummy; I go like this and you go like that, the same as the video.

we do it
We rein-act the video
That’s what he wants
It’s what he needs

He’s looking at me
Directly into my eyes
This time he’s not smiling as much
There’s a sense of desperation

Playful pain

Not quite the Class prefect now.

I wasn’t physiologically prepared for this moment.

My little boy of three
Full head of hair
Cracking set of teeth
Lying on the floor
Waving his skinny legs and arms in the air desperately trying to reprogram his start.

I wasn’t prepared for how much the desperation and determination in his eyes would throw me.

we don’t see this though do we.
Society never shows this?
It could be perceived as unnatural behaviour, he’s too old, his legs are too long.

This is HIS natural
Natural, survival instinct kicking in protecting his pack position. (Which is most definitely top)

“ Do you wish it was me? Do you wish you were a tiny baby with me in the video?”

“Yes mummy”

I’m crying
He knows I’m crying

We hug.
We hug a bit tighter.
We hug again.

“Mummy can we go and wash my dinosaurs now.”

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