Pass me the loo roll.

Pass me the loo roll.

Did he latch?  

He certainly did, the problem I’ve got is, how to get him to unlatch, to have the belief I’m not going anywhere. I don’t bother with loo roll holders these days there’s always a little hand right there bang on que ready to pass me a square or two. 

Oh wait  

You mean; Did he latch? 

 I don’t know 

I wasn’t there 

The same way I couldn’t be there when he took his first breath, first peak at the world, first steps, words, the first time he cried, the first time he laughed.  

I missed it all.  

Not through choice, believe me If I’d had one in any of this I would have been there. I would have had a security team around that little boy tighter then the Kardashians entire entourage.  

He was 21 months when I first laid eyes on him.  

My son.  

Two and a half by the time he would look into my eyes and start to believe I really loved him.  

If I could have given birth  

To have breast fed  

I would be taking away his history 

He wouldn’t be him  

want him. 

I don’t know if he latched.  

Does it matter?  

I’m a mother through adoption.  

No, scrap that. 

I’m a mother.  

  • Im often asked how I dealt or how to deal with birthing or feeding conversations that may arise usually during the joys that are toddler groups * i’m saying it like that to try and sound cool, I bloody LOVE toddler groups you get to sing at the top of your lungs, no one thinks its weird and you’re guaranteed a free ginger nut with a side of cheese square.

Now, I would say you have multipul options, it’s worth saying there is no right or wrong way to handle this

Option one– Side scuttle crab. You grab you bag and you child, place on under each arm bend into some sort of a plie attempt and side scuttle out of the nearest fire exit.

Option two- You attempt to kindly educate the group into understanding that not everyone in society gives birth to their children. This doesn’t mean you have to spell out adoption, after all there are many routes to parenthood. Ive learnt form experience most people are only too glad for a bit of free education these days. You do need to be prepared for a slight amount of awkward silence, followed by apologies. This is Britain, it’s what we do. To which you can reply ” absolutely no need to apologise, it’s just an important topic of conversation and its great to be having it today” Offer them some of your cheese smeered ginger nut and all will be well.

Option three- You might feel comfortable enough with your personal situation to explain that your child is adopted. No need to go into any detail, you might just not fancy the side scuttle crab today and instead decide to enlightened others on the route to parenthood that is adoption.

Now, in my early parenting days I was 99.9% of the time a side scuttle crab, I got so bloody good at it, the Royal Ballet got wind of my Plie ability, started offering me all kinds of contracts. I naturally had to decline ‘YO! Convent Garden, marble runs don’t build themselves you know, show some respect.’

If I could go back and have my time again I would tell her this:

You’re a Mother

Not an adoptive Mother

A Mother

You deserve that cheesy ginger-nut just as much as the rest of them. You DO NOT need to justify your position but do people really understand? Have they lived in a society whereby the act of motherhood is portrayed only through birth?

“If we don’t talk, we can’t educate, if we can’t educate how can we expect people to understand.” NFM

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