You could always ‘just’ adopt?

You could always ‘just’ adopt?

You will hear this phrase from well meaning friends and family members almost immediately after you’ve had your infertility confirmation.By way of offering some kind of solution to your heartache, very similar to the John Lewis money back guarantee ‘if your first product hasn’t worked out, just come on down and bring it back, swap it for something similar.’

I’m going to be brutally honest here. ‘Just’ adopting a child will not replace the loss of a biological child.

They are their own person, they will arrive in your lives at whatever age with all of their rightful history. Of course, it goes without saying they become your child, they enrich your lives and you theirs the same way any other family would. But you must take the time to grieve for the life you assumed you would have before you embark on this journey.

I look back now just under a year into placement and can honestly say, I wouldn’t have things any other way. What you come to realise is, we have chosen to love our son.

What not to ask…..

What not to ask…..

01


‘Real’

“Issac, wow thats a lovely name sooooo unusual. Did his real mum call him that?”

02


Salivate

“So, what happened with his other mum and Dad then? Drug dealers?” *Note the busybody is usually salivating at the mouth by this point.

03


Genitals

“Would you share an ice-lolly or a drink with him? Because you know, he didn’t come out of you so, is that not weird?” * A great response here would be; “Did you come out of your partners genitalia then?” (i’ve never had the confidence to say that.)

04


Thought

Its so, so amazing what you guys have done. We’ve often thought about adopting haven’t we babe… ? * This is usually being said by a pregnant friend whilst pushing a pram.

None of the above scenarios have been fabricated. Ive been asked all of them and we claim to live in an understanding society.

The shower. . .

The shower. . .

To shower, or not to shower? That is the question. The answer my friends is YES!!! You’ve had to jump through so many hoops to get to this moment, with no sex involved. So you’re going to have god damn partay!!! Let’s not forget ladies, you’re not actually preggers, so you could wear a ‘mum to be‘ sash, swig on a bottle of Bolly whilst zero judgement is passed.

If you’re in a situation (like myself) you’ve decided to foster to adopt. You will most likely be sending your shower invites with 72 hours notice…..yippee. You need someone in your corner, ready to emotionally blackmail all friends and family into cancelling all other plans, attending ladened with gifts and good-wishes . Enter my sister, she was simply fantastic. You won’t have time for insta perfect shower prep. You will be in the Aldi que stockpiling nappies, wipes and those cute mini bottles of Prosecco. *Note you will get so many more gifts then your average mum to be, people just love a good news story.

When it comes to gifts and decorations, a little more thought will be required. UK retailers are hardly fit to burst with adoption goodies.

“Hi, it’s 2020. Just Wondered if you wanted to start selling helium Balloons for ALL KINDS OF FAMILIES?!” (Thats me, shouting at all the retailers)

I did find a great Tee I wore on the day (see above) @littlemamashirtshop, I also wore this for my social media adoption announcement. We received a beautiful adoption record book @littlepicklememories which meant the world to me, I was sick of scurrying past the good old ‘my first year‘ books which seem to miraculously grow legs and start chasing you round the shop when you can’t have a child. It’s full of gorgeous pages for you to complete such as 1st month in your forever home & 1st Birthday with us. Another beautiful gift idea is to find a bear or fictional children’s character that has also been adopted and has a relatable story for your child, Idris loves his precious Paddington bear.

Theres still so much scope for games, i loved the advice for parenthood cards, @gingerrayuk they apply to any aged child. *You will find yourself frantically flicking through these whilst on your third cute, mini Aldi Prosecco bottle.

When it comes to a cake ‘welcome to the world’ or ‘congratulations on your baby boy’ might not suit the situation, Idirs was 21 months old when he came home, i’d like to think he’d seen a bit of the world by then. We went for ‘together as one’ because thats how we felt about our new unit. We were now one.