You could always ‘just’ adopt?

You could always ‘just’ adopt?

You will hear this phrase from well meaning friends and family members almost immediately after you’ve had your infertility confirmation.By way of offering some kind of solution to your heartache, very similar to the John Lewis money back guarantee ‘if your first product hasn’t worked out, just come on down and bring it back, swap it for something similar.’

I’m going to be brutally honest here. ‘Just’ adopting a child will not replace the loss of a biological child.

They are their own person, they will arrive in your lives at whatever age with all of their rightful history. Of course, it goes without saying they become your child, they enrich your lives and you theirs the same way any other family would. But you must take the time to grieve for the life you assumed you would have before you embark on this journey.

I look back now just under a year into placement and can honestly say, I wouldn’t have things any other way. What you come to realise is, we have chosen to love our son.

Do my teeth look white?

Do my teeth look white?

“Jim…… do they? But not too white right? not as white as your exes teeth because she looked ridiculous”

I wont forget the way he just couldn’t answer me, the way his eyes cried with no physical tears but what fucked me off the most was the fact that his face was most definitely whiter than my teeth.

He’d just come off the phone with our GP. ” We can’t have children, we wont be able to have kids”

And that readers was the start of the five year shit storm we’ve endured to become whats supposed to be the most natural thing in the world. A family.

Read on, I implore you.

What not to ask…..

What not to ask…..

01


‘Real’

“Issac, wow thats a lovely name sooooo unusual. Did his real mum call him that?”

02


Salivate

“So, what happened with his other mum and Dad then? Drug dealers?” *Note the busybody is usually salivating at the mouth by this point.

03


Genitals

“Would you share an ice-lolly or a drink with him? Because you know, he didn’t come out of you so, is that not weird?” * A great response here would be; “Did you come out of your partners genitalia then?” (i’ve never had the confidence to say that.)

04


Thought

Its so, so amazing what you guys have done. We’ve often thought about adopting haven’t we babe… ? * This is usually being said by a pregnant friend whilst pushing a pram.

None of the above scenarios have been fabricated. Ive been asked all of them and we claim to live in an understanding society.